contrast essay

One person who has lived two different lives. This is my world. I was once entitled Sgt. Burke, a much more stoic label than the plain “Mr.”, I sport now. I served four years in the U.S. Army before retiring two years ago and cannot say I don’t miss it. I never would have believed how much I would change after entering the service at 22 years of age. I figured I had been through enough socialization and had enough life experience to be comfortable in my own skin and very set in my ways. I was naive. From the break-down and build-up in basic training to the harsh desert training leading into two tours in Iraq, I experienced the most significant change since adolescence. Now as a civilian once again, I can see a dark contrast between the life I led before the army and the one I lead now. The changes have become obvious in my motivation levels, determination, and zest for life.
In the years following high school, I wasn’t the driven man I am now. I floated around from one meaningless job to another in search of that weekly paycheck that might pay all of my bills. I had no goals; no want to continue my education, and no need for a family. I went from delivering auto parts to delivering electrical supplies to even working in meat factory producing hot dogs (a story I’ll save for later). I lived in several cramped apartments with good time friends never holding a girlfriend for more than a few months. It wasn’t much of a life but it suited my needs at the time. Fast forwarding six years to the present, I find myself in a much different state of mind. Living with my girlfriend of two years and her seven year old son, I have become not only a veteran but a student, a part-time father, and soon to be a construction foreman. I am in my last semester of a civil engineering degree struggling to obtain a balance between work, school, and life at home. The days of binge drinking and the “I don’t give a shit,” attitudes are over. I couldn’t be happier.
Before the service, I was always willing to accept the easier road. Always ready to throw in the towel and say “hey, it wasn’t meant to be... screw it.” This mind set often got me into an even deeper hole and often instead of solving problems it was easier to pull the old ostrich trick, shoving my head into a dark hole to shut out the world. If it was between a twelve pack and a power bill, I rarely ended up thirsty. In 2009 however, things have changed. Maybe it was the military mind set or just maturing over time but I have to come to realize that pushing problems into the shadows only fixes them short term. Of course I bring in a little more money than back than but with that only comes bigger bills. I have become an individual determined to not be that slacker I used to be. The bills roll in while the checks roll out. The piece of mind I get from having all ducks in a row is a whole lot better than letting life’s little problems pile up in the corner.
The sad existence I had years ago consisted of living one day at a time. I never was one to stop and smell the roses or relax and enjoy a purple sunset. I went from one activity to another at a fast pace only worrying about the day in front of me. This way of life changed during my two tours in Iraq, when I was part of dangerous patrols nearly every day. I never really knew if I was even going to make it back to the states at the end of it all. These times of stress and fear turned my priorities in life upside down. Now I still find myself every morning, thinking to myself just how lucky I am to be alive and not crawling off a hard cot in the arid deserts of the Middle East. I’ve learned how to let my bagel toast completely and maybe even allow myself the extra minute to put some butter on it. I’ve realized that the two minutes I might save by speeding around town like Mario Andretti, isn’t worth a hundred dollar ticket and the peace of mind I gain by checking out the view instead is priceless.
So many people in the world think every day, “Oh man, wouldn’t it be great if I just could just go back and live those glory days over again.” I think what these people are remembering is the silver lining on a very dark storm cloud. Yes, of course when I think back to those single days, living in a trailer eating noodles from a plastic package, I remember how nice it was to have zero responsibilities and live only for tomorrow, but I also remember the anxiety of having unpaid bills and no light at the end of the tunnel. Just like the people dreaming a teenage fantasy, I would like to go back to those days of living by the railroad tracks in a dumpy apartment. The only difference being not to have more good times but to slap my younger self upside the head. I would most likely say in my now mostly-mature voice, “Nate...why don’t you get your head on straight and get your life together already.” And of course my previous self would most likely say, “yeah… whatever dude, I have an appointment with Wheel of fortune in fifteen minutes and I think my Ramen noodles are burning!”